To boldly write with no inhibitions...
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Depressing Holiday Season
Christmas is a time of laughter, joy, happy family times, Christmas lights, and all that fun stuff. Right? Add a little snow, some hot chocolate, and a kiss from your significant other under the mistletoe, and it could be seen as a really great Christmas. Yet as I log into MSN every day, I find that some of the articles listed for MSN Today (when that thing pops up is the only time I check any news) are actually quite depressing. One of the articles was six love talks to bring you closer in your romantic relationship. Sounds like a cute article, right? One we could all use during the stressful holiday season.

Unfortunately, this article was very, very sad. Written by a reporter named Amy Fletcher, she recorded the sad love story of Maya and Jack and the things that Maya wishes they had talked about sooner. Jack died from gallbladder cancer, I believe, on September 21, 2008. From what Maya told the reporter, they didn't start having these deep conversations regarding the six questions she lists until his last few weeks, and that I think is what makes this story so sad. Can you imagine going through a relationship with someone and realizing you didn't share any deep conversations until their last days? I can't imagine what Maya must feel like, but I know I'm going to follow her advice when she says to have these deep conversations with the one you love right away.

Link: Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer
posted by NikkiNQ at 10:34 AM | in: Relationships
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Young Relationships--Interviews With Newer Relationships
So, to close up this section of UNCENSORED, I've got a little interview with a newer romantic relationship. I'd like to thank all interviewees for their participation as well as Jon and Cat who have both done two interviews. So, without further ado, here's their interview.

How did the relationship begin?

 

Jon: I asked her out a month & a half ago, on St. Patrick's Day. We talked on the phone 4 hours straight that night.

Cat: Well, we'd talk on the phone almost every night, and I KNEW he liked me. He even told me, due to a trick-gone-wrong. So then he asked me out, and I said yes. ^-^

 

How long were you friends before changing to a romantic relationship?

 

Jon: We were kind-of friends for maybe 3 months, and close friends for 2 or 3. We used to not like one-another for the longest time before we started becoming friends. Now we're dating, haha.

Cat:  Well, not a long time. We actually used to dislike each other with a passion. He was having a bad day one day and started writing the answers to a test down on the desk, and I got mad and erased them and he called me the 'b' word. He was very upset, and I was angry about the cheating. But then we added each other on MSN because a friend made us, and we started having this weird connection and we told each other everything and we were really open, more than other friends in that amount of time. It was really weird. I have no mind-set of time EVER, so I apologize for not knowing time-spans and dates... He later apologized. For the test thing.

 

What was the first date?

 

Jon: Well...Excluding her movie-party thing. We went out to eat, then went to a movie. We saw The Haunting in Connecticut. The movie was really sweet & both Cat and I liked it. That was the first night Cat held my hand. She has quite the grip...My fingers went kind of numb for awhile. We laughed at all the scary parts cuz everybody else would flip out.

Cat: We went to the movies. I LOVE scary movies, so we saw 'The Haunting in Connecticut.' Lovely movie, not much gore, great plot, nice ending. Anyway, we were watching it, and I saw his hand on the armrest that we shared, and I took it in mine. I feel kinda stupid for not letting up after I squeezed his hand really tight during the scary scenes... >.>;;

 

How long have you been together?

 

Jon:  Didn't I already answer this? It's 6 weeks ago tonight.

Cat: Since St. Patrick's Day.

 

Do you have any advice for singles on how to get a relationship?

 

Jon: Just be respectful to the person you're interested in. Try to treat them very well. Always show that you care for them, and do small things that don't seem like much, because to the other person they mean more than they seem...Like the time when I was having an anxiety attack & Cat walked with me when we were still friends. It meant, and still means, quite a bit to me. Try to become friends, but don't get stuck at just friends, I've seen that happen a lot. Yeah...I suck at advice…

Cat: It normally works if you're friends with the person first. And don't start one of those 'I love you, I hate you' relationships if you know that it'll be one. If you don't want the drama, don't hook up with a person just to hook up. Those end in failure. There has to be a mutual feeling of trust. You have to care about the person, and show it. Do something that you wouldn't normally do for somebody you didn't like 'like that'. When Jon and I really connected, it was during a bad time for him, and he left to try to cool off and I went with him to see if he was okay and if I could do anything to help. Like I said, do something out of the ordinary. And for goodness sake, do not do the 'I'll be stupid to get their attention' routine. That does NOT work. It pushes them away, if anything.


NikkiNQ would like to thank everyone for their cooperation in the interview for UNCENSORED.

Next on UNCENSORED: Creationism vs. The Big Bang
posted by NikkiNQ at 5:03 PM | in: Relationships
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Sunday, April 26, 2009
What These Interviews Have Uncovered--The Most Important Part of All Relationships
Over the course of this week, we've been discussing relationships and not just romantic relationships but familial and friendly relationships as well. The main point all of the interviewees gave when asked to give advice was, "Communicate."  This is something that I've noticed throughout my life too. A lot of problems are caused because of miscommunication or none at all. A lot of arguments could have been avoided if communication had just happened.

Even in my own personal relationship with Eddy, communication is key. Without communication, there would be a lot more fights. Even now, Eddy and I are still working on communication. This isn't something that you can become pro at right away. It takes time, and it takes a lot of it. Just remember, all you relationships starting out, communication is something you should always work out. It's not just important for romantic relationships. It's important for every relationship.

Next on UNCENSORED: Young Relationships--Interviews With Newer Relationships
posted by NikkiNQ at 5:20 PM | in: Relationships
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Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friends Forever--The People You Choose to Hang With
We've all got our buddies, those people we hang out with everyday and do everything with. Friends have a lot of influence over our lives. We take on traits of those people, which is a normal process of everyday life. It's how we learn anything from walking to things like peer pressure. It's our choice of friends that can affect our lives in good or bad ways. Hanging out with the wrong crowd can have a huge impact on choices we make about alcohol, sex, and drugs.

During my elementary school years, which seems like so long ago now, I had two best friends. Their names were Ashley and Jessica. We did everything together, and we grew up together. The influence we had over each other was incredible. Whatever the other told us, we usually believed without question. No one else mattered to us, we had each other.

Over time, we started to grow apart. Growing up as I did, my two friends were well aware of things like sex, drugs, and alcohol before I was. At ten, I was the first to start my menstrual cycle, but I didn't even know what it was. However, when my friends' cycles started, they came to me for advice. I had little to give them, but I gave them what I had. It was in junior high that I realized just how quickly we were drifting apart.

Ashley and Jessica had started making more friends, but I clung to them because they were all I had. I made one other friend by the name of Jenna, but Ashley and Jessica didn't really like her because Jenna's social skills were... well, lacking. In high school, we all sort of separated. Jenna and I stayed a little closer than Ashley, Jessica, and I, but in October of my freshman year, I headed off to be home schooled, and they remained in public school.

I rarely heard from them, and we eventually lost contact entirely. Now, from what I've seen on their myspaces, Ashley's into the one thing she told herself she would never be into--drugs--because of her mother's history. Jessica is a great artist, as she had been for our whole life, and Jenna... Well, she's the one I know very little of. Occasionally, I run into her mother and step-dad, but they have little to tell me if anything at all.

To tell the truth, I rarely think of these three. As they grew up, so did I but in a different way. I've discovered that I don't really need friends outside of my family. My sister and I are closer than ever, and my two cousins Kirsty and Kaity have been my best friends since birth. Now, I also have my boyfriend's sister, Erika, but she might one day be family too.

In closing, be careful whom you choose to be a friend. They affect your life more than you think.

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INTERVIEW-As part of the discussion regarding relationships both romantic, familial, and friendly, I've asked two of my online buddies to tell me about their real life friendship.

How did the two of you meet?
Cat: I had just moved into town, and apparently Jay's parents had heard about my family's arival, and they came to visit. Jay came in, and we quickly became friends. ^-^
Sam: My parents went over to her house to invite her family to Church. When they did that I invited Cat to the pool... and... well... she's been stuck with me since then... ^^; lol
Who started the friendship?
Cat: Uhh... I don't remember which it was when she came over. Obviously she was there, but I don't remember who was more eager to be friends. XD
Sam: Um... I thought it was mutual actually...
What was it that made you two decided that you'd be friends?
Cat: ... Uhh... She was nice? And I like swimming? And I was lonely? @.@
Sam: Um... I dunno... do you honestly decide to be friends? I think it kinda just happend over the next few months...
How long do you think the friendship will last?
Cat: Untill Jay kills me from annoyance. XD And then I'll still be her friend in death. I deserved it anyway. XD
Sam: Pfft until one of us kills the other... Which... well.. lol jk For as long as we can be friends. (Sorry Cat you're stuck with me! ;P)
Cat: I love how our answers matched perfectly. XD
Sam: Me too it makes me actually laugh out loud...
What things do you guys like to do together?
Cat: Uhh... I like to hang out...? And talk...? ... In general...? XD
Sam: Um... probably brain-storm ideas and ponder different questions and discuss different things about life... Also just hang out and listen to music together...
Do you have anything in common?
Cat: We both like to write, and read. We type literately, and use big words in our everyday speech. (Remember 'epiphany'?) We both have terrible handwriting, and adore animals. We talk about stories all the time, and both like Abby from 'NCIS'. XD
Sam: Uh chea! We both sing in choir, love Twilight (which I got her hooked on) and Pita-ten (which she got me hooked on) And also Paramore... um... we both have rents that work in education...We both like to write... and... um... we hang out with a lot of the same people! Also we like to RP.
Can you see the two of you being friends forever?
Sam: Um... didn't you already ask this? Ah well yes I definitely can because we know how to find the other in case we ever actually lose the others' address...
Cat: FOREVER TO THE TWELFTH POWER.
Imagine one of you moved out of state. Would you keep in contact to keep the friendship alive?
Cat: YOSH. If it took learning to ride a pony. I kept in contact with Mishy when I moved a quarter of the globe. OUT OF COUNTRY. XD PHILLY.
Sam: Chea! If I can't stalk her in real life I"ll stalk her on DA... MSN... and... other places...
What's the craziest thing the two of you have done together?
Sam: Um... I dunno probably one of our joint parties or that one time that we tried to play an elaborate April Fools joke on Shawney last year and... it... backfired...
Cat: Uhh... I think it was... Umm... I can't remember... Uhh... Umn... Uhh... JOINT BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH GOTHIC TWIST.
Have you two ever argued?
Cat: Of course we've argued. Which good friendship has never argued? We always make up, anyway.
Sam: Yeah, but who doesn't? We've gotten over those small fights though so *shrug*
What kind of advice would you have regarding friendships?
Sam: Hrm.. I would have to say, don't get really uptight and think that a fight or argument will comepletely destroy a friendship 'cause honestly if it's worth it, it won't. Also I'd like to add that it takes time to become close so don't be surprised if someone doesn't spill their guts the few first times that you see them. ^^; (speaking from experience there... lol)
Cat: I'd say... Trust your instincts on what you should do, and always be truthful. Also, always have in mind your friend's feelings, and think how your actions will affect them. And... Uhh... If you mess up, don't hide it from them. Be straightforward, and tell them what you did wrong. If they're really your friend, they'll forgive you. Also, be yourself. People should like you for you, not your image. If they have a problem with how you are, they're not worth it.
NikkiNQ would like to thank Sam and Cat for their participation in this little interview.

Next on UNCENSORED: What These Interviews Have Uncovered--The Most Important Part of All Relationships
posted by NikkiNQ at 2:21 PM | in: Relationships
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Thursday, April 23, 2009
Familial Bonds--The People You Can't Choose to Know
We all have a family. Whether we call them our family or not is up to personal reasons within that family. One thing is for certain though, family will always be there because we can't choose them. They're the people we're stuck with for life. Friends you can choose; family is what you're born into. Psychologists and other types of scientists now have a theory for the reason that we have families. It's called an attachment theory.

This theory cracks me up for several reasons. It doesn't say we have families because that's the only way we can come into this world. Rather, the theory says, "Attachment theorists consider children to have a need for a secure relationship with adult caregivers, without which normal social and emotional development will not occur." So, in other words, we could be born from trees if we wished, but we still need family so we can learn how to be human. Isn't that awesome? Science can be so hilarious sometimes!

Now, because I couldn't find much in the scientific world as far as families (aside from that hilarious little tidbit above), let's just move right along to the interview!

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INTERVIEW-As part of the familial relationships discussion, I asked a friend of mine to tell me about his family. Here is the log from that interview.

What kind of family relationships do you have?
I'm a son, grandson, half-brother four times, brother-in-law two times, uncle eight times, cousin more times than I can count, and a nephew eight times.
How many siblings do you have?
Four older half-sisters-Jen, Chris, Missy, and Michelle.
Are your grandparents alive? Tell me about them.

Yeah. I have my grandmother and step-grandfather, and grandfather and step-grandmother. I'm a lot closer to my grandfather & step-grandmother. I'm around them more and my mom gets along better with her father. My mom's parents split up when she was 15 I believe. My grandmother and step-grandfather are trying to connect with me more in the past few years...But my grandmother forgot my birthday last year so I'm sort-of sore to that. My dad has a step-father still alive, who he thinks as his father. I talk to him on the phone occasionally, but I don't know what to say and I haven't seen him since 6th grade because he lives in Maine.
How is your relationship with your parents? Tell me about them.
Okay...I have problems communicating with them. It's not too bad with my mom. I'm very close to her. But me and my father don't get along the best. Honestly I don't even like him. I see no reason to respect the lazy @$$ and he treats my mom bad sometimes. So I stand up for her if he keeps attacking her when they're fighting, which isn't intelligent. He thinks I don't like him because I did that once. He's not wrong really.
Are you close with any other relatives? Who? Tell me about them.
My sister Jen. I love her a lot. She's the only sister I communicate with at all. The rest don't like my dad so I don't ever really see them. I can't ever remember talking to Missy...But she's still my sister... And I adore my niece Kira, Jen's daughter. She's so cute. I love her to death.
What do you love most about your family?
That's a difficult one...My family...It's not very close. It's large, yes, but...There's so much distance between all of us. There's so many members I haven't seen or spoken to in years and years. I don't really love anything about it...I just hope to go out and start my own family and fix all the things that are wrong with mine.
A fire has struck your town, and you are separated from your family. How would you find them?
Okay then. Since I don't have a cell phone, and they don't either, I would either have to stand in one spot till they appear or I might go to Cat's or something & call different places my parents might be. Wow my answer sucks.
If you had to choose one person from your immediate family to kill so the rest of your family could live, who would it be? Why?
 Myself so that I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of seeing them lose a loved one and having me cause it.
What are some rules your parents have that you wish they didn't?
It's not so much rules as expectancies. The only rule I HATE is that my curfew is insanely early, except when I'm on a date (Go figure). I hate how they value grades so highly. It makes me feel like all the care about is how well I do and not who I am. I don't have a lot of rules, I don't really ever get into trouble.
If your parents were to ever separate, even for a temporary time, which parent would you go with and why?
My mother. I would hate to be with my dad. Even though she gets on my nerves, I would probably end up getting into a fist-fight if I got stuck with my dad.
Do you have any advice on dealing with families?
 Just keep the communication going. It makes it so much easier, it really does.
NikkiNQ would like to thank Jon for his participation in this quick little survey.

Next on UNCENSORED: Friends Forever--The People You Choose to Hang With
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SOURCES:
"Attachment theory." Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia. 2009. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 23 Apr 2009. <"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory">
posted by NikkiNQ at 8:39 PM | in: Relationships
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