we had finished our luncheon, father and i … matilda was soon to bring in the mail,, and father was smoking the last of his after dinner cigar.. as was his custom,, at any given moment,,, he would bid me adieu,, he would retreat to his office with the mail, and a brandy, have a nap,,, and spent the rest of the afternoon, busying himself at his desk,, as if he still had a great deal of work to be done….

it had been quite some time since father had actually had a great deal of work to be done…

i remember in my childhood… mother would always put me to nap straight away after luncheon…”your father has a great deal of work at hand,, and he will need absolute silence in which to do it….do be a dear and lay here quietly … you haven’t to sleep if you don’t wish to ,,, but don’t utter a sound,, my little ‘amich’,, and i will come for you soon enough…”

now, with mother gone,, it was i who maintained the silence for father,, as he spent his day cloistered in his office. it was i who saw to it that his schedule was strictly adhered to, by the house staff,, and it was i who maintained that he had ” a great deal of work to be done,, and silence must be observed…”

i had become to him, what mother could no longer be.. i had willingly remained in his house,, adhering to his schedule,, first by mothers decree,, and now at my own hand for all of my 28 years… i did not attend university. i did not seek employ. i did not accept the invitation to enjoy the company of any of the young gentleman that made mention that they would enjoy my company.. i had done my duty as daughter,, and then as surrogate lady of the house… and in the recent past,, the joy had gone out of it.. it had become just that … a duty…

i often felt empty, alone, left behind….. until i was introduced to the siren song,, that was america.. the land of opportunity.. the land that opened her arms,, and yes it seemed, even her heart,, to people from all walks of life and from every land… land of the free home of the brave….. america…..

matilda had been good enough to share a letter with me from her sister… she was in new york america.. a huge wonderful bustling city.. full of all kinds of people and work was a plenty…

in fact she had sent the letter,, in hopes that matilda would send a letter seeking employment in the same house in which she was employed in the kitchen… her good friend who currently held the position of governess to the couples “two adorable children” was set to leave the house,, to be married soon,, and she would be giving her notice.. so they conspired to have matildas letter of employment at the ready when she did,, with a personal recommendation… surely they would receive her with open arms….

in its stead,, what they received was a letter seeking employment, in the house of buchannon,, for the position of governess to the “two adorable children” ,, from none other than,, herself,, amelia josephine radiszac… me..

as her sister had been acquainted with our family, during the course of matildas 15 years in the employ of the radiszac household,, she had given me a radiant recommendation,, and i, amelia josephine radiszac,, had been accepted into the employ of the buchannon household, position of governess, to the “two adorable children”,, to be assumed starting september 1, 1902,, just over two months from today….

i had suffered greatly trying to find precisely the right moment to tell father,, in exactly the correct combination of words,, that i, had accepted the position… that i, had booked passage.. that i, was going to america..

the difficulty was embrangled by the fact that i better than anyone knew that at this point in his life,, an older man,, yet still in possession of his health,, with his wife already gone before him,, no real work to be done,, and now his only prodigy,, his only daughter,, was leaving… to america…

to a life she could only imagine.. to a place she had never been.. to a country where she spoke not the language.. to the home of a family she had never laid eyes on.. to a job, she had only ever seen done,, in this very house,, by her very own governess,, many years ago…..

as matilda entered with the mail, i opened my mouth to speak.. to blurt it out.. to open the floodgates and spill everything in one long, loud, run-on sentence,, as i could delay not a moment longer… as i formed the word in my throat… father,, uncharacteristically cleared his..

“hrumph.. amelia, my dear… something here for you in todays post….”

he looked at me with different eyes,, soft eyes,, eyes that reminded me very much of mothers eyes,, but nothing like any eyes i had ever seen from him before….

“oh my father,, thank you,, what on earth…” i replied, flustered indeed that it had chosen such an inopportune time in which to appear… as he handed me the thick white envelope,, i noticed it was written in a hand that looked vaguely familiar,, and posted from right here in the city… no time for this now,, my courage was ebbing…

without further inspection,, i jumped into rapid conversation…”father,, dear father,, i have something of the greatest importance that i need to discuss with you…you see.. as the fates…” he cut me off…abruptly..

“amelia.. open the post.. we will have plenty of time to talk after the correspondence has been seen to….” he admonished. and i had never been one to question fathers direct admonition…

so i turned the envelope, and obediently broke the seal,, and proceeded with haste to withdraw the likes of  an accounting book of some sort.. small in stature,, but the like of which i had seen many times in fathers office.. it being something i had never had any personal dealings with,, i was confused,, and quite taken aback upon receiving one in the mail.. i wondered immediately what? and who? and how would i in fact explain something like this to father? seeing as how i had no idea myself…. my mind was a whirl as i had so much to say,, and now this…..

“what have we here??” father asked sternly,, and with obvious question?? pointing and waving his his finger at the small accounting ledger i held it closed tightly in my hand..

“well for the love of man,, amelia,, don’t sit there and stare at it.. open it,, ameila,, open it….”

and i did..

inside was a single slip of paper folded twice, and a ledger book to be sure,, stating that it was in fact the herald of 7000 russian rubel had been placed in account on july 14th 1895,, by… by mother… mother???

i looked up at father,, his face was soft.. his eyes moist with the first mist of a tear i had ever seen there… immediately i unfolded the letter,, and in the same scriptish handwriting i had recognized on the envelope,, i saw this:

my little ‘amich’,

i know in my heart, i will not be here to share this day,, this joy,, with you.. i regret leaving you but i assure you,, it was indeed beyond my control..

i cannot be there to guide you, i cannot be there to dry your tears, and partake in your joys and sorrows.. but i can leave you this… the zlotys from the sale of your grandmother tomaczic’s house,, which she left to me many years ago, when you were but a child.. i have put them today on account, in your name, in the form of the russian rubel, which is as i write this the only acceptable form of currency here in, my beloved poland..

it was always my intention to spend these monies to make your dream come true, if it was something within my power,, and something that i could see by the light in your eyes,, that you had chosen for yourself… today,, your father has decided,, on my behalf,, is just that day…

i may leave you
but i will never stop loving you
my darling ‘amich’

mother

and at the end in small script i knew to be fathers the post script read..
“to life.. to your life.. to america..”

i was weeping with such force i could no longer speak.. and my mind had been washed clean of anything i might have had to say..

as i looked up at father,, thru my tears,, i saw matilda,, in the doorway,, with tears all her own,, streaming down her smiling face……

photo: http://www.artunframed.com/images/NewFolder15/signac37.jpg