silence
August 2, 2007
this is an ongoing story... as i publish new sections,, they will be added to the story in its entirety here....

I

if they spoke a her birth,,, she never heard ‘em… if they blamed her for mamas dyin’,,, she was unaware… if they thought that she was less than, ‘cause she couldn’t hear ‘em… they was wrong. ’cause she never knowed,, and didn’t care..

as a baby, she never cried,,, so they called her silence. as a child she never talked,,, musta’ had no sense… she couldn’t go to school,,, so she worked with papa.. in silence,,, she hoed, and planted, and mended fence..

when she was 12 they brought a man ’round.. name a henry… when she was 13 papa sent her off,, to be his wife.. she cried inside,,, that night,, when he done it to her,, but in silence,,, she accepted it as life….

season passed, and she could see, her belly growin’,,, when her henry patted her,,, on the bump,, it made him smile.. but when the pains come,,, she had no way a knowin’,, that li’l henry had been in there all the while….

with henry workin’, sun up to down,, in the fields, with no papa,, no kin,, all a this was new… she learned on her own, to care, for li’l henry, he spent his days,, and learned they ways,, of silence too…

II

silence and her boy they cooked an mended.. they fed the hogs,, the cow, the goats,, the chickens too… they canned the fruit and smoked the meats and did the scrubbin’,, they did everything she come to know,, that she should do..

they walked for miles in the summer just the two together,, they picked flowers and pretty weeds,, no difference there.. they spent the winter choppin’ wood and curin’ coonhide,, makin’ tend they wasn’t hungry when the cupboards bare…

they made a friend, name ol’ miss may,, a bent old woman.. she lived in yonder holler, just her, and all 'em cats.. she learned li’l henry ’bout talkin’ and story tellin’, she learned ‘em both ‘bout livin’ off the land, ’bout birthin’ cats..

she could mix up a tincture, to cure what ails ya.. she could say a prayer, that would draw the pain, from henry’s back.. she could make a stew, out a weeds, and roots, and flowers.. she could make a dress, from an old, worn, burlap sack..

and when it come to birthin’, she knew,, no one had to git her.. she would come on up,, when the pains had just begun,, she brung a girl first a summer,, weren’t no blessin’,, truth was,, all they needed was another son…

the girl was fair, and she was thin,, they called her sister.. she growed up fast, and learned to walk in nar a year.. she had the smile of an angel, and they come to love her.. she weren’t a boy,, but henry said, “maybe next year…”

sure enough, her belly growed ‘bout time a plantin’,, by that fall, she was swoll clean out to here.. silence knowed now and she could feel the baby movin’,, soon the night come, and ol’ may, she showed up there….

when ol’ may come, henry went off and left the women,, ‘cause he knowed his place,, and it surely wasn’t there.. when the boy come,, he had the caul of evil on him,,, ol’ may took him to the woodshed,, and left him there…

when she come back she sat in silence, and fashioned corn husks.. she twisted this, and bended that, and tied it here… she took great care, and and never spoke, whole time she worked it,, she give the doll to silence,, lit the candle and left her there…

silence lay sick, for what seemed like a season,, li’l henry he helped his pa, and sister too,, they did their best, while their ma was a mendin,, but they couldn’t know her heart and spirit was broke in two…

on the full moon silence raised up, and put her dress on.. she took the doll, and the candle, and left the house.. she walked alone, down the mountain, to the holler,,, and there, she set fire to the doll,, and miss mays house….

she sat and watched,, as her tears, they fell in silence.. she loved miss may,, but she had to do,, what she had done.. for once evil, comes to rest, upon a family,, burnin’s the only way she knowed,, to make it run…

III

if they spoke about miss may… she never heard ‘em… if they blamed silence for her dyin’,, she was unaware… all she knowed was ol’ miss may,, had kill't her baby.. and left the corn husk doll, and the burnin’ candle there.

as the sun rose and then set,, li’l henry,, grew up hard and strong, was nar a man.. sister tho’, she was a beauty, remained a frail one, helpin’ silence ’round the house, best she can…

li’l henry left off his momma, to work with daddy, a pickn’ an a plantn’ the in fields… his pa needed him now,, with five mouths to feed,,, and silence, had brother john on her heels..

that season, li’l henry learnt ’bout bein’ tired, ’bout bein’ hurtin’ and just plum wore out, li’l henry was swiftly becomin’ the man, his pa had been talkin’ about…

winter come and the days they got shorter,, but still there was work to be done,, wood choppin’, fence mendin’, fixin’ holes in the roof,, henry thanked god he had been blessed with two son..

sister girl she was everyones darlin’, with her yella hair and cheeks all aglow,, she would set on her pa’s lap and sang to him,, she was daddys li’l angel, don’t ya know…

in the winter of her fifth year, her spirit left her, as she lay still, on a pallet by the fire,, silence, tho she was ’bout to burst out with child,, dug a hole and planted sister,, under a heart,, she made a wire….

a piece of silence,, lay in the ground,, just next to sister.. a piece that brother john, coulda’ never knew, but was henry,, that took it the hardest,, her leavin’ pert near cut him clean thru…

first he come down with a cough, then pneumonia,, tho he said it was “just a li’l ol’ cold,”, it put him in the ground next to sister,, when li’l henry weren’t but 9 years old…

“your the man now”,, all the hill folk they would tell him.. “gotta por-vide for your ma and your kin”,, he laid up nights in the hay bed in the barn loft, just a figurin’ why the good lord hated him…

but up he’d be,, at dawn fore the cock crowed,, he’d haul the wood and the water from the well, he’d light the fire, then wake silence, fix his corn pone,, by candle light,, whole house,, cold as hell..

spring come and it was time for a plantin’.. silence, henry, brother john , baby girl too,, worked from sun up to down in the fields, they was alone now,, this is what they had to do…

in the night, in the cool of the ev’nin’,, with silence rockin’ baby girl,, all but sleep,, henry told brother john many stories,, ’bout ol’ may, and how she died in her sleep..

deep inside her,, silence heart had long since had left ‘em,, baby girl and them two boys all alone,, as summers heat ‘came winters cold… her girl-soul was stole,, all the pain and the dyin’ had left her old…

many a nights they ate grease bread and fried taters,, sometimes eggs,, or killt a chicken for to fry… but for the most them boys sat round in silence, hungry, tired,, tellin’ tales,, never askin’ why…

why the god in the heavens if there was one,, had looked down with such hate in his heart,, taken the boy baby, then sister, then papa,, leavin’ their ma and her children near tore apart.

but as she sat and she rocked by the fire light, silence said it all without formin’ a word.. the gray lined skin on her face leaving nary a trace,, of the little girl turned old woman who never heard..

when the young’uns said they loved her, she never heard ‘em…. but she could see it in their eyes,,, yes, that she knew,, tho’ they was mountain born and bred and tough as nails.. they loved their momma,, and in silence,, she loved them too..

IV

there was somethin' evil goin' on amongst the hill folk.. silence saw it in the way they held their eyes,, there was a plottin' and a plannin' bein' done somewheres,, even brother john could see thru their disguise..

then come the night, they come and tried to talk to henry.. they wanted to move 'em to a small shack over by the church.. rev'rund said he'd take the land and house and hand it over,, to whoever come up a wantin',, a carryin',, the biggest purse.

they said "its better,, for yer ma, an her chil'ren,, this top land ain't no place for yer ma and that girl chile,, we'll take you boys to work the bottom land down past lodi, you be a sendin' money home,, all the while..."

silence looked at the black, as it run thru henry.. she had no idea the extent of their plan.. but what she seen in her boys eyes,, weren't fear,, but anger, he weren't no boy now,, tonight he was a man...

he stepped up, and away, from the table,, and left 'em sittin',, silence watched him,, as he walked toward the door,, he opened it wide, grabbed the shot gun, pointed straight at the rev'rund,, said "get out,, or we'll be a washin' you off the floor...."

they said nothin, 'cause they knowed no one would hear 'em,, they walked single file, quick like, out the door.. baby girl she come a runnin' and grabbed her mama... henry hung the shotgun,, back on the wall,, and closed the door...

this was a night they would forever, be rememberin'.. henry's son,, had no doubt become a man. in the firelight, as she rocked li'l baby sister,, silence face,, it glowed with pride,, wishin' henry coulda' seen his boy take a stand...

she thought 'bout, how he took her, just a girl,, from her papa,,, how he brung her here,, that dark night all alone.. how she learned to know and trust him,, as the time passed,, how he taught her to clean and cook and and run a house,, on her own...

she had come to love him dearly, in her own way.. course she never said it, but then she was sure,, neither did he.. 'stead he give her plenty children, and this home place,, and it was hers now,, thanks to their boy henry,, and the man he come to be..

a tear formed, but never fell,, as she set there thinkin',, 'bout days an' people an' life gone by,, baby girl she lay silent on her mama,,, till henry come an' told her,, "kiss yer mama, say g'night..."

V

brother john just sat a watchin',, from the fireside,, he knowed his brother had took his place,, as the family head.., he stood up, kicked the dog,,,not hard,, just gently,, said, "get afoot, dog.. we's a goin' to bed...

if they spoke a that night,, she never heared 'em.. what tales they told about her henry,,,, she was unaware... what she did know,, was that she had set there, at that table,, and watched her boy chile become a man,, right then, right there.....

now brother john, was just a bucket full a mischief, he weren’t like henry, he was always into somethin’ he shouldn’t be,, never did pay no mind to his brothers wailin’,, he’d just call back.. “yep…that’s jus’ why you isn’t me!”

he was short and he was thick, like a li’l tree stump.. don’t know where he got his size from,, not silence’ kin.. he wore his heart on his sleeve,, anybody teased him,, got his lip cracked,, or swift kick in his shin…

he didn’t take no lather, from the school boys, when they walked past him,, as he was workin’in the fields ever morn’.. he’d kick the spit out any one that come a asking,, and he was always just a tootin’ his own horn…

one summer night,, as the sun set on the mountain.. he stealed away to the hayloft all alone,, smokin’ corn silk cause he could’t git no tabaccy, watching the sunset,, smokin’ his pipe,, here, he was a man, all on his own…

baby girl she stole up on him,, and climbed in silence,, the wooden ladder that their daddy made ‘em so long ago,, ‘for she was born, back when she was nothin’ but a twinkel,, she stood down a rung,, so he couldn’t see her tho….

she seen him smokin’,, tho he knowed henry would wup him,, he didn’t care “it didn’t hurt” or so he’d said, didn’t care if he  went to bed without no supper,, he was a tough one,, her brother john,, head, hard as lead….

she never said a word, ’bout  be’in up there,, she didn’t want anyone to know, she’d she’d found his perch, she dug around some and found his old pipe and some dry cornsilk,, in a fish tin under a hymn book,, he stole from the church…

not a firestick to be found, then she remembered.. brother john brung the lantern from the milk stall in the barn,, she climbed back down,, and left off her smokin’,, for the time be’in,, for if he caught her,, she knowed for sure shed get a tarin’..

next day, they was up, with the sunrise, boys off to the fields,, or so she thought,, momma washin’ up the dishes in the kitchen, she lit a spike, and took it with her,, was the lantern that she sought…

as she stepped into the barn,, henrys old cat name a yeller’,, jumped down from the loft just a grazin’ her head…. she dropped the fire,, an the hay it took to burnin’… she got scared, run in the house,, hid under the bed…

it was a slow wind,, but it was steady,, blowin’ thru the kitchen… silence smelt fire and ran quickly to the door,, she grabbed the shot gun.. got off two shots to let the boys know.. boys they,, heard her signal,, smelled the smoke,, took to a run…

they ran right for the trough,, start throwin’ water.. silence grabbed brother johns shirt near yanked it off . she made a signal with her hand wavin’,, ’bout waist high,, boys knowed,, she thought the little one,, was a burnin’ with the hay stack..

brother john he throwed himself into the water ,, he soaked his self from the sole of his feet to the top his tow white head,, and run hell bound into the barn,, fear be damned,, he never knowed his li’l sister was under the bed….

when her “wannano “ finally got the better of her ,, she slipped out and stood in the front room by the door.. watchin’ silence and henry tryin’ to oust the fire,, till brother john, full in flames, screamed out that barn door..

both silence and henry grabbed a hold of ‘em,, threw him head first into the water,, held him down,, till he come up gaspin’ for air and spied his sister,, in the front door,, just a lookin’ at the ground…

his first thought was to tan her,, for the fright he’d had,, but his second was how glad he was to see her there,, silence, henry ,and brother john ,, they runned up on her,, all of ‘em cryin’ and kissin’ her red curly hair….

they lost the barn,, all the hay and most the plow tools.. but in hind sight,, it weren’t nothin’,, no one cared.. they had their girl,, that god in heaven,, couldn’t get him this one.. she was safe now,, and she was gonna stay safe,, right there….

if they talked about the fire,, she never heared em,, tho they spoke of it a lot,, she was unaware,, the tellin’ of her boy john,, not fearin’ death, at the flames hand,, just got taller,, ever time that it was shared…..
this was never really supposed to happen.....
August 2, 2007
an on going story..........

chapter 1

back to the 'hood

august 2, 2007   1:45pm


the reality of the whole thing was that she knew what she had to do.. the reality  of the whole thing is that all of this had been planned out, thought through,, firmly decided,, oh so long ago.. the reality of the whole thing was that this was never really supposed to happen...

and yet it had.. the magic words had been spoken. the sentence had been handed down,,, and there was no turning back now.

as she turned left onto clarkson avenue,, she knew what had to be done.. and yet,, having always been a huge fan of procrastination,, she knew that in order for this whole thing to work out according to plan.. she had to act,, and act now.... before she was able to think about it.. way before her logical mind had time to talk her out of it...
 
the buildings with which she and her little blue scion were surrounding themselves where becoming ever so much more decayed.. the graffiti, more prevalent.. the trash rolling over the tops of the dumpsters,, blowing freely down the street,, and then clinging in wet piles in the puddles of car wash water and urine that lined the sides of the road....

she had been clean for so long,, but she had never forgotten the way you could smell the street.. the way you could smell the game.. and just know...

she saw a small group of boys hanging on the corner of 74th and clarkson,, in front of what used to be a chinese take out,, and now more closely resembled a shooting gallery of days gone by...

she slowed,, rolled down her window and yelled to them out the window,, without actually getting to close or stopping all the way...

"hey man,, any y'all workin'???"

the boys all turned and started toward her,, each one wanting to take her money...  each one hiding behind the face of a child.. but possessing  mind of a street hardened playa'....

she rolled to a slow stop....clicked off the fan on her air conditioner.... for once,, she really didn't  mind being exposed to the heat...

"you cop?"
"you looks like a cop."
"she ain't no cop..."
"what chew need??"

all talking at once,, all wanting to be the hand that she palmed the cold hard green cash into.. each one knowing the game,, some willing participants.. some just hungry little thieves...

she looked at them.. she thought about all the times she had done this dying to get the drugs...and now she was getting the drugs... to die...

"eight tens a boy"...she interjected into their sea of distrust...

she watched all ten of the little brown eyes that were staring her up and down,,, light up...

her runner was selected,, the others would stay here with her to make sure she was "a'rite"

... and maybe hold her lighter, or her sunglasses or anything else they could talk her out of....

they thought they were winning.. they had no idea...they were the trick this time....

her boy returned,, eight tiny waxed paper envelopes with a picture of a monkey on a swing stamped carelessly on each one...

she gave the runner a ten.. it was all she had left... she wouldn't be needing it any more...the boys swarmed him,, each one wanting his own little sumpin' sumpin',, out of the deal...she drove off...

she was armed.. she was dangerous...it was check out time







chapter 2

flashback

june 23, 1995

 

she could hear the truck down shifting to a stop.. it had been such an awful day,, sleeping here in the hide-a-bed of a strangers truck was the closest thing to peace she had experienced all day........ she closed her eyes and instantly drifted right,, back,, to sleep… the 10 or more beers she had drank earlier in the evening making this given…

she awoke with a start some time soon after.. he was sitting on her chest... the fat, bald, truck driver... the one that had offered to take her as far as memphis... he was sitting on her chest,, holding her arms at her sides with his legs,, and he was pushing his short, fat, soft, glow in the dark white dick in her mouth… this wasn’t happening….

 “suck it baby.. come on,,go on now,,, take it ,,,"

 she did…

 what else could she do.... he was sitting on her chest… she sucked him..

tears of utter frustration made their way out of the little slits in the huge purple swellings that surrounded both eyes… she and miguel had been drinking earlier in the night,, he started the whole "whore" thing again.. she fought back..  she was no match for him when he was hammered… he blackened both her eyes and broke her nose.. she ran into the night and hopped in the first ride that pulled over to let her in…

this guy… this trucker.. the one that had his dick in her mouth.. the one that was straddling her chest, restraining her arms with his legs,, the one that had the forethought to wash himself off with some kind of baby wipes,, she could smell them and taste them as he sat on her,, stuffing his dick,, in her mouth,, saying .. “there you go girl ,, that’s right,, you know oh,, yeah…..”

 

luckily for him,, he came quickly… lucky for her he had no other intentions.. when he was done,, he was done..he wanted her out of the truck…she would have stayed...she had no where to go...it was dark..

the sun hadn’t quite broke the horizon.. as she headed off toward what she assumed was the highway...she thought she saw a building up ahead…. maybe there would be a phone… who would she call??

he drove away before she had a chance to really think about what had happened…she cried, silent tears,, no sound.. no feeling..  just there..

the filling station was old and closed.. boarded windows.. no pumps.. no phone.. no nothing.. she was nowhere.. at least she had no clue where she was .. what direction he had really been driving.. how far from dallas she really was...

she was too drunk to notice before.. she had asked him if he would mind if she laid down.. it had been such a bad night,, she just wanted to lay down.. to pass out .. to make it all go away…she thought he felt sorry for her.. she thought when he actually saw her black and blue and bloody,,, and crying.. she thought he understood...


she thought he was telling the truth when he said he'd take her as far as memphis.. she could find her way to michigan from there.. to her mom.. she wanted her mom.. she wanted to go home...she laid down,, thinking that when she woke,, she would be half way there...

but... here she was... on a dark stretch of highway. somewhere in texas... walking in the middle of the road, as there wasn't a car coming in either direction.. she wouldn't have had the balls to stick her thumb out ,, if there had been one....

 
she walked… alone… first in the dark.. then in the itty bitty glow,, of the sun breaking over the flat texas horizon... the sky dark, and gray, and mournful…

she walked.. the highway was desolate.. she couldn’t fathom getting a ride.. not once it got light and people could see her,, could see the blue black of her disfigured  face… see the blood all over her shirt, her jeans.. probably her face… where it hadn’t been washed away by the tears she didn't even really know she had been crying..

she walked, alone, into the sunrise.. and screamed at the top of her voice,,, into the nothingness… “ i quit.. i quit!!! you win.. you win!!! alright,, you win!!!!!!”