Tinker To Warhol To Chance

Am I the only one who thinks that Andy Warhol would have made an excellent second baseman? Of course, I have no proof whatsoever that he actually ever played baseball, but his demeanor and philosophy of life were so 'up the middle' that I can't help but think his overall hustle and esprit de corps would have made him just the sort of spark plug capable of urging his teammates to play harder. I can see him crouching on the edge of the outfield grass (perfectly positioned for the left-handed power hitter Vic Wertz, shaded a few feet towards first base, expecting the power hitting outfielder to pull the ball into the gap created by the first baseman holding the runner), smoothing the dirt in front of him so that he doesn't get a bad hop, his attention fully directed to the catcher's signs and set-up position indicating that they intend to pitch Wertz inside. Cool as a cucumber (or a huge can of Campbell's tomato soup), Andy tunes his mind, opening it to any possibility that might transpire if the hitter makes contact. If it's hit directly at me, I'll pivot and turn the 4-6-3 twin killing, but if he drives it to the left side of the outfield in the power alley or the shift gap, I'll have to take second cutoff position and hope that the relay will beat the runner to the plate... no, wait... I think I'll paint a couple of Post-Modern human butterflies, instead. 

Yes, Andy's cat-like reflexes and superb baseball sense would have undoubtedly made him a can't-miss, sure-fire, first-ballot Hall of Fame candidate. That is, of course, if he actually knew what a baseball actually looked like, which, unfortunately, has never been substantiated. No matter... at the very least baseball might have stopped him from creating Marilyn Monroe portraits resembling pastel death masks. Plus, a ball cap would have covered up some of those unkempt, hideous strands of hair popping up all over the top of his dome.

It seems a shame that he gave all that up for the chance to paint a 12-foot picture of a banana.