Watch What You Watch!

The voyage from Itcouldhappen to Nofreakinway (with intermediate stops in Nuh-uh and Gedoudahere) is getting shorter every day. This morning I unadvisedly hit the Power button on my remote without considering the possibility that the TV may have been tuned to CNN when my wife clicked it off last evening.

Naturally, I paid the price for my sin. As the cathode ray picture tube flashed in response to my demand for action, the image of an elderly woman standing in her kitchen, holding a sack of chow and surrounded by wall-to-wall cats, flashed onto the screen. Unfortunately for me, the sound was pre-tuned to a level that forced me to hear the commentary from some unseen Talking Head. I swear, it's one of the few times I've ever regretted learning to speak English. Before my brain could send the signal to hit the Up-Down channel selector, my autonomic nervous system kicked in and sent the signal advising me to grab an ice pick and start stabbing myself in both eyes, in hopes that the scene would not be permanently imprinted upon my gray matter, thereby haunting me forever.

It seems that the Cat Lady of Siberia owns (at last count) over 130 cats and can recognize each one individually and call it by name. Apparently, the organs in the woman’s brain controlling sense of smell have obviously been rendered non-functional, once again proving that God’s mercy is infinite.       

Well, I’d love to stay and chat but I need to go tend several gouge wounds in my temporal area…  I really need to put a lock on the silverware drawer.