Entry #2:  Dental Announcement

Hello, friends, my name is Dick Thicket, DDS, and I’m the spokesman for the Greater Hackensack Dental Association. I’m here today to tell you that there is a limit on how white your teeth can be.

As professionals, we’ve learned that there is a limit, even with some of the newer teeth-whitening (or in Arkansas, ‘tooth-whitening’) procedures. We can remove dental plaque and other extrinsic stains, but that’s not enough for you psychopaths, is it? You know who you are, don’t look at me like that! If you need whiter, just go ahead and fly to Mexico… I’m sure some moron down there will be more than happy to implant a black light into your gums so that every time you open your mouth, your teeth will burn the retinas out of anyone who happens to glance in your direction! Go crazy for all I care, it’s your mouth.

We’re not holding back anything… there are hundreds of over-the-counter whiteners, brighteners, bleaches, strips, gels, pastes and rinses to choose from but that’s not enough for you, is it, all you wanna-be stars and starlets? Go ahead, Latin America is calling!

But don’t come complaining to me when you’re eating your steak through a straw! Look, professional bleaching can whiten your teeth about four to five shades, but I doubt we’ll ever be able to match your washer, dryer, or refrigerator so just get over it! Just how damn white do your teeth have to be, for God’s sake? 

Thank you.  

(This has been a public service announcement from the Hackensack Dental/Mental Health Association.)