Recovery

April 1, 2008 by junquejo

Have you ever been off of your feet for a extended period of time? It is amazing what ideas your mind will develop when your body is unable to function properly. I discovered that I have been so busy just living my day-to-day life that I was neglecting a vital part of what makes me..... me.

When I discovered, a couple of years ago, that I had talent and had some artistic creativity inside of me.... I felt so good. I had gone so many years believing that I couldn't create anything worthwhile. And then, as if a light switched on, I began to create..... and I was so happy. I felt that I had finally found something so special inside of myself. But as I said..... life gets so complicated.

So now, I find myself in recovery.... not only from surgery, but from from a self-imposed creative coma.

The sad thing is that I was not even really aware that I was depriving this part of myself to near starvation. I actually felt guilty each time that I would sit down in my "creative" space and begin to work on something. I would be sitting there and everything else that I should be doing would flash through my mind and I would stop, get up and go do it - and maybe never get back to the project I had started. Guilt would eat me up.... no matter what I did. If I stayed and worked on my project, I would feel guilty that I wasn't doing something around the house or for my family . If I got up and did something around the house, I would feel guilty that I had spent all that money on supplies, and wasn't creating anything with them.

Now, here I am..... I can't do anything. I am just laying on this couch and wondering... who am I? I am beginning to realize that if I continue to neglect the part of me that I truly believe was a gift from God, it will shrivel up and blow away.

My recovery has given me new resolve and I have so many ideas flowing through my mind...... I have just gotta wait for my body to catch up