An Unusual Celebrity on Celebrity Day
"Are you sure this chair is high enough?"
"I don't know. How high should it be?"
"Well, I don't know either. But it seems to me he's pretty short."
"Not for my species, madam." The voice wafted up from the floor. Mrs. Witherspoon looked down to spy the lizard, a gecko, staring up at her.
"Could I get a lift?" he asked, eyeing the chair seat towering above his head.
"Not to worry, Mrs. Witherspoon! I'll get him." Mr. Floyd, the mall manager, lifted the gecko up with both hands and plopped the little fellow on the chair at the mall help desk. "Celebrity Day at the help desk has never included a...um...reptile before," he said.
"Hey, and I've never been to a mall before either," the lizard quipped.
"How are you going to help our customers?" Mrs. Witherspoon inquired. Indeed, customer service was her middle name, and this "creature" was taking over her help desk for the next three hours. Abominable!
"Actually, I'm shy around people, but I'm good at selling insurance. I thought I'd do a little of that..."
"Ahem! You may not sell insurance at our help desk," Mr. Floyd interjected.
"All right then."
"Mr. Lizard, would you like a cup of coffee before you begin?" Mrs. Witherspoon asked.
"Sorry, love, I don't like coffee. But a tasty insect would do quite nice."
"An insect?" Mrs. Witherspoon's face turned a dangerous shade of white.
"Perhaps he will just have a cup of tea, Mrs. Witherspoon. Wouldn't you like a cup of tea, Mr. Lizard?"
"All right then."
"We'll leave you to settle in," Mr. Floyd said. He and Mrs. Witherspoon made a hasty exit.
The gecko busied himself, rearranging notepads and pencils on the desk, anxious for his first customer. That lady arrived in a hustle and bustle of gift-wrapped packages stacked high in her arms, blocking her face. She peered around the boxes.
"Excuse me, but which exit....EEEEEEEK!
"I bet it's your car insurance that has you so spooked," the gecko offered. Alas, the lady had already fallen to the floor, buried in her colorfully wrapped packages, bows scattered, her face covered over in blue foil paper.
A security guard arrived, hand on gun, ready for action. "What's going on?"
"The poor lady! She has dreadful car insurance."
"Is that true, madam? Do you have dreadful car insurance?"
"Lizard...I see a lizard." Lifting her arm limply, she pointed to the gecko.
The cop studied the reptile. He ran here thinking something serious happened, and now this. And he'd left a perfectly good cup of coffee in the coffee shop.
"I'll call animal control," he said.
"Wait a minute! I'm no vagrant lizard! I've got a job, you know!"
"Huh?" The lady stared. "That lizard talks."
"Yeah," the cop said, stroking his chin. "You're that insurance lizard, aren't you? Hey, my insurance company is really ripping me off. Can you help me?"
I'd be glad to. Have a seat," the gecko replied. "Now we don't punish people because they've had an accident..."
Mrs. Witherspoon stood nearby, holding a steaming cup of tea, eyes wide.
The gecko spied her. "Hey there, Mrs. Witherspoon. I hope you don't mind my selling some insurance today, eh?"
Mrs. Witherspoon plunked his tea down and walked away.
"Next year I'll ask for the baking company Doughboy," she murmured.
Copyright 2007 JO Janoski