A Study in Voices
First of all, my friends, I have always had squatter's rights to the chair. I mean I got here first. Besides, everybody knows a dog belongs in a chair.
Oh darling, you are so silly. Cats love little chairs to snuggle up in. They are so very...soft.
My dear feline, you are an idiot. Any book or painting you look at clearly shows the canine reclining in blissful comfort on upholstered luxury.
Hey, ah, who do youse morons think you are, eh? I paid for dat chair, working hard at the mill, bringing home the bacon. Now what makes you pea brains think you can have the little bit of luxury a man buys for hisself?
Oh, tee hee, how gauche.
You have spoken quite correctly, kitty. The master is an idiot. How can he possibly think he has more rights than we.
Yes, someone as pretty as me certainly cannot sit on (gasp!) the floor.
Well, my sweet, I'll argue that with you. I think someone of my majesty deserves the chair...to be his throne. Ahem!
Tee hee. You are so silly.
I'll tell yinz who's silly--a d*mn dog and cat who think they're gonna shove my a** outta my chair!
Oh, dirty words! My little delicate ears are offended.
Yes, I say, old man. That was quite uncalled for.
Oh yeah! OH YEAH! Well, listen to this -- $#$%$##$^&%
Oh!
I say! Now stop that!
OH, that really gets to youse mutts, eh? Here take this--%$^#$% !! and this--$(#$%^#!!!
Egad, man! Are you insane! Stop, I say!
Oh! I must run away!
%$^#$&^%% !!
Truly I must go. I am so offended...
Wait, sweet kitty, I'll go with you. I certainly cannot stay here and listen to this. Perhaps we could share the bed.
Hahahahahahahahaha. Get outta here you hairy losers! Now to enjoy the comforts of my favorite easy chair. Aaaaaaah!
Tee hee! Do you think he believes we left?
Careful, my sweet! Don't let him see you lurking around the corner. We must stay out of view and very quiet, at least until we see...ah, there it is.
Yow! What the heck! Ow! Geez, I'm itching. Is this chair made outta wool or something? Nah, I see it isn't. Damn I'm itching. OH crap! Now I'm getting all red. It's a d*amned RASH! Oh crap!
Tee hee! That will teach him!
Yes, my dear. He forgot our secret weapon...fleas.
